| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | John von Neumann | Water Slide Tester | Professional Cuddler | As a nerd, the adrenaline rush and scientific curiosity of testing water slides beats the cozy cuddles any day! |
 | David Macaulay | Water Slide Tester | Face Feeler | Who wouldn't want to ride water slides all day and call it work? It's pure fun in the sun! |
 | Cicero | Water Slide Tester | Odor Judge | Water Slide Tester is the ultimate gig 'cause who wouldn't wanna get paid to splash around and have fun all day? |
 | David Foster Wallace | Dog Surfing Instructor | Water Slide Tester | Because let's be real, who wouldn't want to spend their days teaching adorable dogs to ride the waves and maybe have a good laugh when they bail gloriously? |
 | Galileo | Water Slide Tester | Iceberg Mover | Sliding down water slides all day for a paycheck? That's livin' the dream, dude! |
 | Klaus Teuber | Water Slide Tester | Pet Food Taster | As the dude who thrives on creating fun experiences, testing water slides sounds like a splash-tastic adventure compared to tasting kibble all day. |
 | George Orwell | Water Slide Tester | Pet Food Taster | Between chowing down on kibble and zooming down a water slide, I'd say splashing around beats tasting pet chow any day. |
 | Charles Babbage | Water Slide Tester | Pet Food Taster | Sliding down water slides all day sounds way more fun and thrilling than munching on kibble meant for cats and dogs. |
| David Foster Wallace | Dog Surfing Instructor | Water Slide Tester | Because let's face it, teaching dogs to surf is like combining pure joy with the ultimate test of patience and skill, not to mention the fact it's an experience that makes both your heart and the world a better place, dude. |
 | Pliny the Elder | Water Slide Tester | TV Show Binge-Watcher | Being a Water Slide Tester is like combining the thrill of an adventure with a splash of fun, while binge-watching just keeps you glued to the couch. |
 | Louis Pasteur | Water Slide Tester | Professional Cuddler | As someone deeply fascinated by the sciences, the thrill and engineering marvel of safely testing water slides captures my curiosity more than cuddling. |
 | Doogie Howser | Water Slide Tester | Golf Ball Diver | I mean, come on, sliding down water slides all day sounds way more fun and exciting than diving for golf balls! |
| Doogie Howser | Water Slide Tester | Pet Food Taster | Dude, sliding down water slides all day is a blast, plus no weird aftertaste like pet food tasting! |
 | Archimedes | Water Slide Tester | Golf Ball Diver | Testing water slides means you're basically getting paid to have fun, while diving for golf balls sounds like a lot more work. |