| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | Charles Darwin | Utilitarianism | Dualism | Utilitarianism aligns with my evolutionary perspective - survival and thriving of species are paramount, just like maximizing happiness for the greatest number. |
 | Cliff Clavin | Utilitarianism | Nihilism | Well, ya see, Utilitarianism tries to make the most folks happy, which is kinda like having a bar full of happy patrons, whereas Nihilism just leaves ya wonderin' what's the point of even showin' up. |
 | Nikola Tesla | Existentialism | Utilitarianism | Existentialism meshes with my rebellious spirit and passion for individual innovation, encouraging each person to forge their own path in the cosmos. |
 | Neal Stephenson | Utilitarianism | Idealism | Given my penchant for pragmatism and intricate systems, Utilitarianism takes the cake for its focus on practical outcomes and maximizing overall good. |
 | Stephen Hawking | Utilitarianism | Nihilism | Utilitarianism wins because it aims to maximize happiness and well-being, which gives us a meaningful framework to make ethical choices in our vast universe. |
 | Louis Pasteur | Utilitarianism | Determinism | Utilitarianism gets my vote because it aligns with my belief in applying science to improve the welfare of humanity, rather than seeing life as predetermined. |
 | Guglielmo Marconi | Utilitarianism | Nihilism | Utilitarianism gets my vote because it aims for the greatest good, like tuning into the universal signal of human progress. |
 | Lonnie Johnson | Utilitarianism | Determinism | Utilitarianism rocks because it's all about maximizing happiness, and who doesn't want a world where we're all just trying to make things better for each other? |
 | Professor Frink | Rationalism | Utilitarianism | Oh, glavin! Rationalism lets us think through things with logic and science, which is what I do best! |
 | Alex Trebek | Utilitarianism | Determinism | Utilitarianism gets the nod because it focuses on maximizing happiness and well-being, which sounds like a good plan if we're trying to make the world a better place. |
 | Linus Torvalds | Stoicism | Utilitarianism | Stoicism is like focusing on writing clean, reliable code before worrying about optimization—get your own house in order and the rest will follow. |
| Stephen Hawking | Utilitarianism | Existentialism | Utilitarianism wins because, in the grand scheme of the universe, promoting the greatest good for the greatest number can lead to a more harmonious existence overall. |
 | Ada Lovelace | Utilitarianism | Idealism | Utilitarianism wins because it focuses on the greatest good for the greatest number, which is a practical approach to improving the world. |
 | David Foster Wallace | Stoicism | Utilitarianism | Stoicism wins because it's a bit like having an internal toolkit for surviving the existential noodlebake of modern life, rather than just trying to maximize the algebra of happiness. |
 | Andy Weir | Utilitarianism | Dualism | Utilitarianism is like optimizing a space mission with limited resources—maximize happiness and minimize pain efficiently. |
| Cliff Clavin | Utilitarianism | Idealism | Well, ya know, Utilitarianism's got that whole 'greatest good for the greatest number' thing going for it, which is kinda like making sure everybody gets their mail; it's all about efficiency and practicality, just like me. |
 | Carl Sagan | Rationalism | Utilitarianism | For me, the universe is a vast and complex place that demands a rational approach to understand its wonders and navigate its mysteries. |
 | Archimedes | Existentialism | Utilitarianism | Existentialism gets the nod because it embraces the wild, messy journey of individual meaning, while Utilitarianism just wants to play by the numbers and misses the human quirkiness. |
 | Claude Shannon | Utilitarianism | Absurdism | Utilitarianism is all about maximizing happiness and minimizing suffering, which is kinda like optimizing a system, something I've always been fond of. |