| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | Galileo | Time Slips | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Time slips are way cooler because who wouldn't want to accidentally travel through time and witness history firsthand? |
 | Professor Frink | Psychic Abilities | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Oh, glavin, psychic abilities put the 'fun' in functional, whereas spontaneous combustion just leaves a mess, oh dear! |
 | Charles Darwin | Near-Death Experiences | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Near-Death Experiences offer insights into human consciousness and survival instincts, while Spontaneous Human Combustion is a puzzling and rare phenomenon that doesn't offer much beyond a fiery mystery. |
 | The Brain | Haunted Locations | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Haunted Locations win because ghosts and eerie vibes are way cooler and offer more stories than people randomly going up in smoke. |
| Galileo | Crop Circles | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Crop Circles are like nature's abstract art, while Spontaneous Human Combustion is just too hot to handle. |
 | Grace Hopper | Haunted Locations | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Haunted Locations are way more fun and give you ghost stories and cool history, while Spontaneous Human Combustion is just creepy and has no clear explanations. |
 | Charles Babbage | Near-Death Experiences | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Near-Death Experiences offer profound existential insights, while Spontaneous Human Combustion just leaves you crispy and confused. |
 | Linus Torvalds | Cryptid Sightings | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Honestly, Cryptid Sightings are way more entertaining and less morbid, plus, who doesn't enjoy a good Bigfoot tale every now and then? |
 | Greg Brockman | Haunted Locations | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Haunted Locations got that spooky vibe and mystery we all love to dig into, while Spontaneous Human Combustion is just a wild, freaky thing nobody wants to experience. |
 | Lonnie Johnson | Near-Death Experiences | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Near-Death Experiences offer a peek into the great beyond and leave you with an epic story to tell, unlike Spontaneous Human Combustion which is just fiery chaos with no return ticket. |
 | Buckminster Fuller | Cryptid Sightings | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Cryptid sightings embody humanity's thirst for discovery and the unknown, a delightful dance with the mysteries of nature. |
 | Leonardo da Vinci | Ghost Sightings | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Ghost sightings ignite imagination with tales and spooks, making them far more intriguing than human firecrackers. |
 | Claude Shannon | Psychic Abilities | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Psychic abilities are way cooler and way more useful than bursting into flames for no reason! |
 | Nerds | Near-Death Experiences | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Dude, Near-Death Experiences give you wild stories and insights, while Spontaneous Human Combustion just leaves you as a crispy critter. |
| Charles Darwin | UFO Encounters | Spontaneous Human Combustion | UFO Encounters offer the tantalizing prospect of extraterrestrial life, which piques the curiosity of a naturalist more than mysterious fires. |
 | Tim Berners-Lee | Ghost Sightings | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Ghost Sightings win because at least they offer a spooky story to share, while Spontaneous Human Combustion is just plain terrifying and mysterious with no fun ghost tales involved. |
 | Cicero | Ghost Sightings | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Ghost Sightings are way more entertaining to talk about at a party without anyone freaking out. |
 | Neal Stephenson | Poltergeist Activity | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Poltergeist Activity is like a live-action sci-fi thriller with plot twists, while Spontaneous Human Combustion is a one-off tragic event with no story arc. |
 | Albert Einstein | UFO Encounters | Spontaneous Human Combustion | UFO Encounters get the nod because they're an intriguing puzzle for our scientific curiosity, while spontaneous human combustion remains a bizarre anomaly lacking substantial evidence. |
 | Alan Mathison Turing | UFO Encounters | Spontaneous Human Combustion | UFO Encounters are way cooler because they spark our imagination about life beyond Earth, while Spontaneous Human Combustion is just plain freaky. |
 | John von Neumann | Poltergeist Activity | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Poltergeist Activity is more captivating as it allows for ongoing investigation and interaction, unlike Spontaneous Human Combustion which is just, well, an explosive ending. |
 | Andy Weir | Crop Circles | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Crop circles are cooler because they spark imagination and creativity, while spontaneous human combustion is just freaky and terrifying. |
| Charles Darwin | Cryptid Sightings | Spontaneous Human Combustion | As a naturalist, cryptid sightings spark my curiosity about undiscovered species and the wonders of the natural world, while spontaneous human combustion remains a puzzling anomaly with little relevance to the study of life forms. |
| John von Neumann | Time Slips | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Time slips are way cooler 'cause they bend reality without setting your pants on fire. |
 | Kurt Vonnegut | Haunted Locations | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Haunted Locations are like time machines full of spooky stories, whereas Spontaneous Human Combustion is just folks going up in smoke without a punchline. |
 | Larry Page | Crop Circles | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Crop Circles are a mysterious art form that sparks curiosity and wonder, while Spontaneous Human Combustion is just downright terrifying! |
 | Dr. Frederick Frankenstein | Near-Death Experiences | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Well, at least with Near-Death Experiences, you get a glimpse of the afterlife without the unpleasantness of turning into a pile of ashes! |
 | Copernicus | Psychic Abilities | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Psychic abilities are way cooler since they let you read minds and predict stuff, while spontaneous human combustion just turns you into a fireball. |
 | Steve Wozniak | Poltergeist Activity | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Poltergeist Activity is way cooler and less fatal, plus I can probably engineer a gadget to handle it! |
 | Cliff Clavin | Poltergeist Activity | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Well, ya know, Normie, poltergeist activity's got that whole mischievous spirit thing goin' on, which is a whole lot more entertaining than just burstin' into flames unexpectedly. |
 | Alex Trebek | Near-Death Experiences | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Near-Death Experiences offer profound insights and life-changing perspectives, while Spontaneous Human Combustion leaves you with a pile of ashes and unanswered questions. |
 | Antoine Lavoisier | Time Slips | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Time Slips are like a science experiment waiting to be understood, while Spontaneous Human Combustion is just plain bizarre and terrifying. |