| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | Professor Frink | Cryptid Sightings | Poltergeist Activity | Oh, with the cryptids, you've got the excitement of discovering an unknown species, which is frink-tastically intriguing from a scientific perspective, glavin! |
 | David Macaulay | Cryptid Sightings | Crop Circles | Cryptid sightings are just way cooler because they add that mysterious 'what if' factor that makes our world seem more magical and unexplored. |
 | David Foster Wallace | Near-Death Experiences | Cryptid Sightings | Near-death experiences jazz up the absurdity of human existence more intensely than cryptid sightings ever could, throwing our mortality into sharp relief with a kind of metaphysical whoopee cushion effect. |
 | John von Neumann | Cryptid Sightings | Poltergeist Activity | Cryptid sightings are way cooler because they make you feel like a real-life explorer while poltergeist activity just messes with your stuff. |
 | Buckminster Fuller | Cryptid Sightings | Time Slips | Cryptid sightings pique curiosity about Earth's unexplored mysteries, much like the geodesic dome invites exploration of new architectural possibilities. |
 | Linus Torvalds | Cryptid Sightings | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Honestly, Cryptid Sightings are way more entertaining and less morbid, plus, who doesn't enjoy a good Bigfoot tale every now and then? |
 | Grace Hopper | Psychic Abilities | Cryptid Sightings | Psychic abilities give you insight into the unknown, which is way cooler than just spotting a shadowy creature in the woods. |
 | Belle | Psychic Abilities | Cryptid Sightings | Psychic abilities are way cooler because if I can read people's minds, I can know where all the cryptids are hiding anyway! |
 | Galileo | Cryptid Sightings | Poltergeist Activity | Cryptid Sightings are cooler because spotting a mysterious creature is like finding a real-life Easter egg in the game of nature, while poltergeist activity is just spooky headaches with stuff flying around your room. |
 | Nerds | Psychic Abilities | Cryptid Sightings | Psychic abilities are like having a superpower that lets you peek into the future or read minds, while cryptid sightings are just a game of hide and seek with creatures that might not even exist. |
| Buckminster Fuller | Cryptid Sightings | Spontaneous Human Combustion | Cryptid sightings embody humanity's thirst for discovery and the unknown, a delightful dance with the mysteries of nature. |
| John von Neumann | Haunted Locations | Cryptid Sightings | Haunted Locations are a bit more grounded in history and tales, whereas Cryptid Sightings are just fuzzy photos and tall tales. |
 | Charles Darwin | Cryptid Sightings | Spontaneous Human Combustion | As a naturalist, cryptid sightings spark my curiosity about undiscovered species and the wonders of the natural world, while spontaneous human combustion remains a puzzling anomaly with little relevance to the study of life forms. |
 | Alan Mathison Turing | Cryptid Sightings | Psychic Abilities | Cryptid Sightings are way cooler because they spark the imagination and bring out the adventurer in everyone. |
 | Albert Einstein | Cryptid Sightings | Haunted Locations | Cryptid Sightings are like catching a glimpse of a scientific mystery in the wild, while Haunted Locations tend to rely more on subjective experiences and less on empirical evidence. |
 | Leonardo da Vinci | Cryptid Sightings | Crop Circles | Cryptids bring the thrill of the unknown and mystery of the wild, like hunting for secrets in the shadows of nature. |
 | Antoine Lavoisier | Cryptid Sightings | Time Slips | Cryptid sightings are way cooler 'cause who doesn't want to think there's a Bigfoot out there, right? |
 | Kurt Vonnegut | Near-Death Experiences | Cryptid Sightings | Near-Death Experiences give you a whack on the head with a cosmic baseball bat, making life feel richer and truer than a fuzzy photo of Bigfoot ever could. |