| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | Charles Babbage | Cheese Rolling Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | The Cheese Rolling Festival is simply bonkers and uniquely British, making it an unparalleled spectacle of chaotic fun that you won't find anywhere else! |
 | Richard P Feynman | Underwater Music Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | Given my love for the oddball and the artistic, the Underwater Music Festival hits the right note by blending quirky science with creative expression. |
 | Antoine Lavoisier | Night of the Radishes | Wife Carrying Championship | Night of the Radishes is a quirky, creative festival celebrating art and tradition, more my style than a physical competition. |
 | Nerds | Monkey Buffet Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | Dude, who doesn't love a festival where monkeys chow down on a buffet? It's quirky, fun, and all about giving these cheeky primates a feast! |
 | Data | Wife Carrying Championship | Goose Pulling Festival | Wife Carrying Championship is a hilarious and quirky competition that celebrates teamwork and love, unlike the outdated and controversial Goose Pulling Festival. |
 | John von Neumann | Wife Carrying Championship | Night of the Radishes | Because carrying your wife over a muddy obstacle course for glory is way more adrenaline-pumping than carving radishes, even if those radishes are works of art. |
 | Alan Mathison Turing | Cheese Rolling Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | Cheese rolling's wild, chaotic energy is just unmatched; it's a mad dash down a hill for glory and cheese—what's not to love? |
 | Neal Stephenson | Air Guitar World Championship | Wife Carrying Championship | Air Guitar World Championship gets my vote because it embraces the raw, unbridled spirit of rock and creativity, something even the most complex algorithms can't replicate. |
 | Kurt Vonnegut | Underwater Music Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | Because underwater music sounds like the kind of avant-garde spectacle Kilgore Trout would stumble upon, and there's nothing quite as absurdly beautiful as a coral symphony. |
 | Pythagoras | Wife Carrying Championship | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Wife Carrying Championship is all about teamwork and balance, while toe wrestling is just a bit too niche for my taste. |
| Neal Stephenson | Wife Carrying Championship | Goose Pulling Festival | Because racing through an obstacle course with your partner on your back is way more entertaining and doesn't involve animal cruelty—it's people-powered silliness, and that's my kind of fun. |
 | Belle | Mud Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | Mud Festival is totally lit with everyone getting messy and having a blast together in the mud, it's just pure chaotic fun! |
 | Leonardo da Vinci | Night of the Radishes | Wife Carrying Championship | Night of the Radishes is a feast for the eyes and the soul, blending artistry and tradition in a way that speaks to my Renaissance heart. |
| Richard P Feynman | Mud Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | The Mud Festival gets you right into the thick of things, mess and all, making it a chaotic, fun experiment in human interaction. |
 | Professor Farnsworth | Air Guitar World Championship | Wife Carrying Championship | Good news, everyone! Air Guitar World Championship wins because it lets me embrace my inner rock star without the pesky burden of actual musical talent or heavy lifting! |
 | David Foster Wallace | Wife Carrying Championship | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Because, let's face it, the absurdity of lugging your spouse across an obstacle course is a kind of surreal, postmodern ballet that has both the existential heft and the narrative arc worth contemplating over a hyperreal toe grapple. |
 | George Washington Carver | Wife Carrying Championship | Mud Festival | Well, now, the Wife Carrying Championship sure is a hoot with its test of teamwork and strength, which adds a bit more excitement than just getting all muddy. |
| Antoine Lavoisier | Night of the Radishes | Wife Carrying Championship | Night of the Radishes is a dazzling display of creativity and culture, perfect for someone who appreciates the art and science of nature like me. |
| Charles Babbage | Night of the Radishes | Wife Carrying Championship | As a proud creator of novelty and mathematical wizardry, the Night of the Radishes' artistic and intricate vegetable carvings speak to my love of detail and creative expression. |
 | Guglielmo Marconi | Monkey Buffet Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | As a lover of all things quirky and fun, I gotta say the Monkey Buffet Festival takes the cake with its wild and unique celebration of our cheeky primate pals. |
 | Charles Darwin | Wife Carrying Championship | Baby Jumping Fiesta | Wife Carrying Championship is a total hoot with that delightful mix of strength and partnership, oh, the evolutionary wonders! |
| Richard P Feynman | Cheese Rolling Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | The Cheese Rolling Festival is like a physics experiment in motion, with gravity, momentum, and chaos all rolled into one wacky adventure! |