| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | Dr. Frederick Frankenstein | Baby Jumping Fiesta | Goose Pulling Festival | Jumping over babies is a bizarre yet oddly harmless tradition, unlike yanking a goose, which feels a tad too grisly for my taste, even for a mad scientist. |
 | Data | Wife Carrying Championship | Goose Pulling Festival | Wife Carrying Championship is a hilarious and quirky competition that celebrates teamwork and love, unlike the outdated and controversial Goose Pulling Festival. |
 | Greg Brockman | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Goose Pulling Festival | Toe wrestling's quirky and hilarious nature just tickles my nerdy bone more than the historical but controversial goose pulling. |
 | Socrates | Mud Festival | Goose Pulling Festival | Mud Festival is all about getting down and dirty with a grin, way more fun and less controversial than yanking on a poor goose. |
 | Charles Darwin | Underwater Music Festival | Goose Pulling Festival | Underwater Music Festival is better because it celebrates creativity and harmony with nature without harming any animals. |
 | Kurt Vonnegut | Monkey Buffet Festival | Goose Pulling Festival | Because I'd rather see a bunch of monkeys enjoying a smorgasbord than folks messing with geese in ways that give me the heebie-jeebies. |
 | Neal Stephenson | Wife Carrying Championship | Goose Pulling Festival | Because racing through an obstacle course with your partner on your back is way more entertaining and doesn't involve animal cruelty—it's people-powered silliness, and that's my kind of fun. |
 | Stephen Hawking | Underwater Music Festival | Goose Pulling Festival | The Underwater Music Festival rocks because it combines the wonders of music with the whimsical world beneath the waves, making it a truly unique blend of art and nature. |
 | Cicero | Night of the Radishes | Goose Pulling Festival | Night of the Radishes is rad 'cause it's a spicy blend of creativity and culture, way cooler than yanking on some goose. |
 | Leonardo da Vinci | Underwater Music Festival | Goose Pulling Festival | Despite my love for the absurd, underwater tunes tickle my inventive spirit more than some old-timey goose shenanigans. |
 | Ada Lovelace | Night of the Radishes | Goose Pulling Festival | Night of the Radishes is rad with creativity and art, unlike the Goose Pulling Festival which feels a bit harsh with its origins. |
 | Alex Trebek | Air Guitar World Championship | Goose Pulling Festival | Air Guitar World Championship rocks with creativity and humor, unlike the outdated spectacle of Goose Pulling. |
 | George Orwell | Monkey Buffet Festival | Goose Pulling Festival | In a world where absurdity and spectacle reign, the Monkey Buffet Festival is a triumph of whimsy over brutality, feeding joy rather than fueling cruelty. |
 | Larry Page | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Goose Pulling Festival | Toe wrestling is a quirky sport with a modern sense of humor, making it more entertaining than old-era goose pulling. |