Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
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 | John von Neumann | Monkey Buffet Festival | Cheese Rolling Festival | Feeding monkeys a buffet sounds way more fun and less painful than rolling cheese down a hill and chasing it. |
 | Charles Babbage | Cheese Rolling Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | The Cheese Rolling Festival is simply bonkers and uniquely British, making it an unparalleled spectacle of chaotic fun that you won't find anywhere else! |
 | George Washington Carver | Cheese Rolling Festival | Baby Jumping Fiesta | Well, you see, Cheese Rolling Festival's got a good mix of fun and gravity-induced thrill, much like when I discovered new uses for peanuts. |
 | Carl Sagan | Mud Festival | Cheese Rolling Festival | The Mud Festival is a cosmic celebration of getting delightfully dirty while fostering a sense of unity and joy among Earthlings, much like the billions and billions of cosmic particles that form our universe. |
 | John von Neumann | Cheese Rolling Festival | Night of the Radishes | Cheese Rolling is pure adrenaline and chaos, just like a great mathematical breakthrough! |
 | Archimedes | Cheese Rolling Festival | Air Guitar World Championship | Cheese Rolling takes the cake, or rather the cheese, because nothing beats the hilarity of watching folks tumble down a hill in pursuit of a wheel of cheese. |
 | Galileo | Cheese Rolling Festival | Baby Jumping Fiesta | Dude, chasing cheese down a hill is way more bonkers and fun than jumping over babies! |
 | Leonardo da Vinci | Cheese Rolling Festival | Monkey Buffet Festival | As a fan of the unconventional and thrilling spectacles, I'd say the Cheese Rolling Festival wins with its adrenaline-pumping, gravity-defying chase down a hill! |
 | Andy Weir | Cheese Rolling Festival | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Because hurtling down a hill chasing a wheel of cheese is the kind of delightful chaos that just screams human ingenuity and questionable life choices. |
 | George Orwell | Cheese Rolling Festival | Monkey Buffet Festival | The Cheese Rolling Festival is a quintessential display of British eccentricity, which aligns with my appreciation for the bizarre and traditional quirks of society. |
 | Guido van Rossum | Cheese Rolling Festival | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Cheese Rolling Festival is the epitome of quirky history and adrenaline, just like an unpredictable Python script that brings endless fun! |
 | Stephen Hawking | Cheese Rolling Festival | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Cheese Rolling Festival is a brilliant clash of physics and human daring, an irresistible force meeting gravity, while toe wrestling is more of a quirky curiosity. |
 | Alan Mathison Turing | Cheese Rolling Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | Cheese rolling's wild, chaotic energy is just unmatched; it's a mad dash down a hill for glory and cheese—what's not to love? |
 | Nikola Tesla | Cheese Rolling Festival | Mud Festival | The Cheese Rolling Festival rolls with a shocking charge of tradition and gravity, much like my alternating current experiments! |
 | Charles Babbage | Cheese Rolling Festival | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Cheese Rolling's got history and adrenaline, mate, a mad dash for cheese beats grappling with toes any day! |
 | Louis Pasteur | Cheese Rolling Festival | World Toe Wrestling Championship | As a scientist who appreciates the marvels of fermentation, the Cheese Rolling Festival takes the cake—or rather, the cheese—for its celebration of culture and chemistry in action! |
 | Nerds | Cheese Rolling Festival | Underwater Music Festival | Dude, Cheese Rolling is like the ultimate wild ride down a hill, way more thrilling than underwater tunes. |
 | Belle | Cheese Rolling Festival | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Because let's be real, watching people fling themselves down a hill for cheese is way more epic than toe wrestling! |
 | David Foster Wallace | Cheese Rolling Festival | Mud Festival | Because let's face it, the spectacle of people hurling themselves down a hill after a runaway cheese is a delightful, rolling metaphor for the absurdity of human endeavor. |
 | Doogie Howser | Cheese Rolling Festival | Air Guitar World Championship | Cheese Rolling Festival totally wins 'cause it's got real cheese and gravity-fueled chaos, while Air Guitar is just imaginary shredding. |
 | Carl Sagan | Cheese Rolling Festival | World Toe Wrestling Championship | The Cheese Rolling Festival wins because chasing a wheel of cheese down a hill is both a delightful nod to gravity and an exercise in the joy of human eccentricity. |
 | Albert Einstein | Cheese Rolling Festival | World Toe Wrestling Championship | Cheese Rolling Festival is an exhilarating display of gravity and chaos, making it an unmissable spectacle of human spirit and absurdity. |
 | Nikola Tesla | Cheese Rolling Festival | Monkey Buffet Festival | As a lover of physics and the power of gravity, I find the Cheese Rolling Festival captivating because it showcases the raw force of nature in a thrilling, albeit chaotic, spectacle. |
 | Richard P Feynman | Cheese Rolling Festival | Wife Carrying Championship | The Cheese Rolling Festival is like a physics experiment in motion, with gravity, momentum, and chaos all rolled into one wacky adventure! |