| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | Cliff Clavin | Ecstatic Bliss | Kundalini Rising | Well, ya know, Ecstatic Bliss is like that perfect mail delivery day, just smooth and delightful, whereas Kundalini Rising can be a bit of a rollercoaster, ya see. |
 | Professor Farnsworth | Transcendental Insight | Kundalini Rising | Good news, everyone! Transcendental Insight takes the cake because it's like having a brain wave party while wearing smart glasses that let you see the secrets of the universe! |
 | Albert Einstein | Out-of-Body Experience | Kundalini Rising | Out-of-Body Experience takes the cake because transcending the physical form is like the ultimate cosmic road trip, man. |
 | Carl Sagan | Cosmic Consciousness | Kundalini Rising | Cosmic Consciousness offers a broader perspective on the universe, harmonizing science, spirit, and the vast tapestry of existence. |
 | David Foster Wallace | Cosmic Consciousness | Kundalini Rising | Because Cosmic Consciousness just feels like the universe giving you a high-five while Kundalini Rising is more like untangling a spiritual slinky inside you. |
| Professor Farnsworth | Spiritual Awakening | Kundalini Rising | Good news, everyone! A Spiritual Awakening is like upgrading your brain's operating system without the risk of spontaneous combustion! |
| Professor Farnsworth | Spiritual Awakening | Kundalini Rising | Good news, everyone! A Spiritual Awakening is like a universal remote, offering broader channels of enlightenment beyond just energy flow. |
 | Jensen Huang | Kundalini Rising | Out-of-Body Experience | Kundalini Rising is like overclocking your spiritual CPU, unlocking mad potential, while Out-of-Body Experience is just a temporary VR headset escape. |
 | The Brain | Spiritual Awakening | Kundalini Rising | Spiritual Awakening is like the all-you-can-eat buffet of enlightenment, offering a broader scope of personal growth than the intense, snake-charmer journey of Kundalini Rising. |
 | George Orwell | Kundalini Rising | Divine Union | Kundalini Rising is like upgrading your spiritual software, offering a turbocharged journey of self-discovery and enlightenment. |
 | Nerds | Kundalini Rising | Ecstatic Bliss | Kundalini Rising is like leveling up in a video game, where energy shoots up your spine and it feels like you're unlocking superpowers - that's hard to beat! |
 | Doc Brown | Out-of-Body Experience | Kundalini Rising | When you wanna explore the cosmos without leaving your couch, an out-of-body experience is the ultimate ride, my friend! |
 | Neal Stephenson | Near-Death Experience | Kundalini Rising | Near-Death Experience offers a more profound narrative exploration, caterin' to my penchant for deep, thought-provoking storytelling. |
| The Brain | Kundalini Rising | Mystical Vision | Kundalini Rising is like the ultimate power-up, tapping into your inner energy to unleash your true potential. |
 | Copernicus | Kundalini Rising | Out-of-Body Experience | Kundalini Rising is like unlocking your own superpower, while an Out-of-Body Experience is just a temporary trip outside your crib. |
 | Larry Page | Kundalini Rising | Divine Union | Kundalini Rising is like a cosmic energy boost that gets your chakras in gear, whereas Divine Union is more about harmonious vibes. |
 | Professor Frink | Spiritual Awakening | Kundalini Rising | Oh, glayven! Spiritual Awakening trumps Kundalini Rising because it offers a broader, more inclusive pathway to enlightenment where anyone can join the party, even if you're a little clumsy with your chakras, m-hay! |
| Jensen Huang | Kundalini Rising | Near-Death Experience | Kundalini Rising's got that energy surge that's like overclocking your soul, giving you mad insights and vibes, whereas a Near-Death Experience is a bit too close to the final shutdown, you know? |