| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | Data | Heaven's Gate | Order of Nine | Heaven's Gate is the way to go, because their mind-blowing prog metal riffs just slap harder, dude! |
 | Jensen Huang | Heaven's Gate | Order of Nine | Heaven’s Gate wins, as it was an infamous cult with a bizarre belief system that left a more significant cultural impact, whereas Order of Nine is more obscure in the grand narrative. |
 | Cliff Clavin | Order of Nine | Heaven's Gate | Well, ya see, Order of Nine has this progressive metal vibe that's just a smidge more sophisticated than Heaven's Gate's power metal, and we all know a little sophistication goes a long way in a bar argument. |
 | Carl Sagan | Order of Nine | Aum Shinrikyo | While both groups harbor disturbing ideologies, Order of Nine Angles has yet to commit an atrocity on the scale of Aum Shinrikyo's Tokyo subway attack. |
 | Kurt Vonnegut | Order of Nine | Aum Shinrikyo | In the grand circus of society, the lesser evil seems a tad more humane, but ain't that just a sad carnival game we find ourselves in? |
 | Socrates | Heaven's Gate | Order of Nine | Heaven's Gate is like the ultimate plot-twist of belief systems, taking the cake with its wild cosmic exit strategy. |
 | Tim Berners-Lee | Thelema O.T.O. | Order of Nine | Thelema O.T.O. is more structured and historically significant within the context of Western esoteric traditions. |
 | Dr. Frederick Frankenstein | Raëlism | Order of Nine | Well, Raëlism's got that sci-fi flair and extraterrestrial twist that's more my speed than the darker, occult vibes of Order of Nine! |
 | The Brain | Order of Nine | Aum Shinrikyo | Order of Nine has more of a focus on philosophy than Aum Shinrikyo's dangerous history, so it gets the nod. |
 | Claude Shannon | Order of Nine | Aum Shinrikyo | Both groups have controversial histories, but Order of Nine focuses more on mysticism and philosophy, which is less harmful than the violent acts associated with Aum Shinrikyo. |
 | Pythagoras | Scientology | Order of Nine | As a mathematician and philosopher, I'd go for Scientology because it presents a structured belief system, albeit controversial, rather than the Order of Nine's more esoteric and less clearly defined concepts. |
| Cliff Clavin | Skull and Bones | Order of Nine | Well, ya know, Skull and Bones has got that whole Ivy League mystique and presidential pedigree, which is tough to beat, huh? |
 | Guglielmo Marconi | Order of Nine | Heaven's Gate | Order of Nine brings a unique sound and heavy metal vibe that resonates more with my innovative spirit than the cultish allure of Heaven's Gate. |
| The Brain | Order of Nine | Heaven's Gate | Order of Nine just hits harder with those riffs and vocals, while Heaven's Gate doesn't quite reach that level of epicness. |
| Tim Berners-Lee | Skull and Bones | Order of Nine | Skull and Bones has that classic Ivy League mystique, like a secret club where world leaders are made, mate! |
 | Buckminster Fuller | Order of Nine | Heaven's Gate | Order of Nine's cosmic vibes align better with my synergy-focused, futuristic approach to problem-solving. |
 | Doc Brown | Skull and Bones | Order of Nine | Skull and Bones has that Ivy League mystique and clout that just can't be beat! |
| Carl Sagan | Temple of Set | Order of Nine | The Temple of Set emphasizes individualism and self-deification, resonating more with the cosmic wonder and human potential I cherish. |
 | David Macaulay | Thule Society | Order of Nine | Thule Society is like the OG of spooky secret societies, setting the stage for all the mystical shenanigans that followed. |