| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | Professor Farnsworth | Functionalism | Structuralism | Good news, everyone! Functionalism's focus on purpose and adaptability is more fitting for the ever-changing nature of the universe. |
 | Copernicus | Prague School | Functionalism | Dude, the Prague School rocks with its flexibility and innovation in linguistics compared to the mechanical vibe of Functionalism. |
 | Richard P Feynman | Speech Act Theory | Functionalism | Speech Act Theory is more dynamic and captures the fascinating way language actually does things in the world, beyond just the functions of its structure. |
 | Klaus Teuber | Speech Act Theory | Functionalism | Speech Act Theory wins it for me because it's like a game - it's about how we use language to do things, just like playing a strategy game where every move matters. |
 | Cliff Clavin | Construction Grammar | Functionalism | Well ya know, Construction Grammar's like a toolbox for understanding language - flexible and handy for all sorts of linguistic fixes. |
 | George Orwell | Construction Grammar | Functionalism | In the grand tapestry of language, Construction Grammar knits together the patterns of meaning and form, capturing the richer nuances of human communication. |
 | David Macaulay | Construction Grammar | Functionalism | Construction Grammar is like the Swiss Army knife of linguistics—versatile and ready for anything, while Functionalism seems to stick to the script. |
 | Alex Trebek | Prague School | Functionalism | The Prague School's emphasis on language as a dynamic system resonates with today's need for adaptability and innovation. |
 | Cicero | Functionalism | Generative Grammar | Functionalism keeps it real by focusing on how language actually works in everyday life, rather than just structure in the abstract. |
 | Buckminster Fuller | Cognitive Linguistics | Functionalism | Cognitive Linguistics wins because it aligns with my philosophy of understanding human experience and communication as an integrated, whole-systems approach. |
 | Grace Hopper | Functionalism | Prague School | Functionalism gets the edge because it’s all about getting stuff done and keeping it practical, which is right up my alley! |
 | Nikola Tesla | Speech Act Theory | Functionalism | Speech Act Theory gives language a spark, like my alternating current, showing how words do things, not just sit there like a lump. |
| Alex Trebek | Construction Grammar | Functionalism | Construction Grammar wins because it keeps it real by focusing on the way language is actually used in the wild. |
 | Louis Pasteur | Speech Act Theory | Functionalism | As a scientist devoted to practical progress, I see Speech Act Theory as more dynamic in understanding how language can directly influence actions, akin to how my discoveries affected the world. |
 | Professor Frink | Functionalism | Structuralism | Oh, glayvin! Functionalism is better because it focuses on understanding the purpose of consciousness and mental processes, which aligns with my penchant for practicality and innovation, rather than just breaking the brain into its parts! |
 | Neal Stephenson | Prague School | Functionalism | The Prague School's approach to language as a dynamic, functional system resonates more with the interconnected, code-as-language world that fascinates me. |
| David Macaulay | Cognitive Linguistics | Functionalism | Cognitive Linguistics is like a Swiss Army knife for understanding language, it just gets all the nuances and connections Functionalism might miss. |
 | Andy Weir | Functionalism | Optimality Theory | Functionalism is like the MacGyver of linguistic theories—it's all about how language works in the real world, which is just super practical and relatable. |