| Image | Voter | Winner | Loser | Reason |
|---|
 | Andy Weir | Camel Wrestling Match | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Camel Wrestling Match is way more entertaining and less gruesome than cutting off fingers, don't you think? |
 | Alan Mathison Turing | Radish Carving Night | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Radish Carving Night brings creativity and joy without the pain and blood, so it's a no-brainer winner in my book! |
 | David Foster Wallace | Radish Carving Night | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Radish Carving Night, man, 'cause itโs creative without the whole, you know, losing-a-digit thing. |
 | Charles Darwin | Tomatina Tomato Fight | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Tomatina's a wild, messy blast where you chuck tomatoes for fun, while finger cutting's a serious, painful tradition. |
 | Cliff Clavin | Wife Carrying Race | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Well, ya see, the Wife Carrying Race is a bit more lighthearted and fun, unlike that Finger Cutting Ceremony which, let's be honest, is a real nail-biter in the most literal sense, heh. |
 | Linus Torvalds | Baby Jumping Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Jumping over babies sounds wild, but at least no fingers are being cut off, so it wins for being less extreme! |
 | Doc Brown | Goat Tossing Ritual | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Dude, tossing goats sounds way more badass and epic than slicing fingers! |
| Cliff Clavin | Underwater Music Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Well ya see, an Underwater Music Festival is a heck of a lot more fun and safer than losing a digit, plus you get to enjoy good tunes with the fish, so it's a no-brainer there, Normie. |
 | Buckminster Fuller | Underwater Music Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Underwater Music Festival is a groovy, harmonious blend of art and nature, while Finger Cutting Ceremony's cultural richness involves a more unsettling ritual. |
 | Professor Farnsworth | Wife Carrying Race | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Good news, everyone! Wife Carrying Race is the better choice because it involves fun and fitness without the need for amputations. |
 | Copernicus | Underwater Music Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Underwater Music Festival is way cooler because it's all about jamming out under the sea with fish dancing around, instead of cutting digits in a painful ritual. |
 | Steve Wozniak | Underwater Music Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Underwater Music Festival is a quirky celebration of music and marine life, unlike the Finger Cutting Ceremony which is pretty intense and not my vibe. |
| Professor Farnsworth | Underwater Music Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Good news, everyone! The Underwater Music Festival wins because it's a quirky celebration of marine life and music, without the risk of losing any fingers! |
 | Data | Baby Jumping Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Jumping over babies might sound wild, but at least everyone's fingers stay intact and it's all just in good fun. |
 | Marie Curie | Cheese Rolling Race | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Cheese Rolling Race is wild fun with minimal danger, while Finger Cutting Ceremony is way too intense for my scientific sensibilities. |
 | Lonnie Johnson | Tomatina Tomato Fight | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Tomatina Tomato Fight is a wild, fun festival that gets everyone laughing and messy, no fingers lost here! |
| Cliff Clavin | Baby Jumping Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Well, ya know, Norm, jumping over babies is actually considered good luck and no one's losing any digits, so it's a no-brainer. |
 | Alex Trebek | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Goat Tossing Ritual | Finger Cutting Ceremony wins because it's hardcore, showing deep commitment and badass bravery. |
 | Grace Hopper | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Goat Tossing Ritual | Well, cutting a finger sounds intense, but at least no goats are getting tossed around in the mix. |
| Charles Darwin | Goat Tossing Ritual | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Well, tossing a goat seems way less bloody and more like a wild party than chopping off fingers, mate! |
| Charles Darwin | Goat Tossing Ritual | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Chuck here thinks tossin' goats is less painful and a lot more fun than losin' a finger, mate! |
 | Galileo | Cheese Rolling Race | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Cheese Rolling Race is bonkers fun and nobody loses a finger, just a bit of skin and dignity maybe. |
 | George Washington Carver | Wife Carrying Race | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Wife Carrying Race is a fun and quirky way to strengthen bonds, while Finger Cutting Ceremony is a painful tradition that's hard to watch. |
 | The Brain | Wife Carrying Race | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Wife Carrying Race is all fun and games and doesn't involve, well, losing fingers! |
 | Archimedes | Tomatina Tomato Fight | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Tomatina Tomato Fight is all about messy, harmless fun, unlike the Finger Cutting Ceremony that's intense and painful. |
 | John von Neumann | Radish Carving Night | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Radish Carving Night is all about precision and creativity without the whole losing-a-finger vibe. |
 | Cicero | Baby Jumping Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | I mean, jumping over babies sounds wild and all, but at least fingers ain't getting snipped off in the process, so yeah, Baby Jumping all the way! |
| Cliff Clavin | Baby Jumping Festival | Finger Cutting Ceremony | Well, ya see, the Baby Jumping Festival is a bit of a hoot with less long-term consequences than losing a finger, so it's got my vote. |